From The Middleman, White Collar, Parks and Recreation, Going the Distance, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and, soon, 6 Month Rule. Now, Natalie has some smart (and hilarious) tips for you guys (and maybe a few ladies) out there. Follow Natalie on Twitter.
Hi, I’m Natalie Morales: Actress, Writer, overall Mover & Shaker. I have written a list based on a topic that deeply infuriates me. I apologize for the angry tone, I just live in Los Angeles and I see these all the time, and they really steam my clams. They’re not in any order because they’re all horrible. Enjoy.
10 THINGS A GUY
SHOULD NEVER WEAR AND WHY
1 — A tucked-in dress shirt, tie, and jeans. It doesn’t work. It was never meant to work. You look like a fool who’s about to knock on my door and sell me some encyclopedias or life insurance. Take it off this instant!
2 — A vest. This hardly ever works. Maybe a sweater vest, if you’re Chandler Bing, but that’s it.
3 — Mandals. ANY KIND OF FANCY MEN’S SANDAL IS A DISGRACE. You may wear flip flops, but only around the house, or if you are within a mile from a beach/lake/body of water.
4 — Bare feet. You are disgusting. (This goes for women, too.)
5 — Long nails. Who are you, Robert DeNiro in Angel Heart?!? Well, you look like him. The devil. Is this what you want? I don’t care if you play guitar! Use. A. Fucking. Pick. That’s what they’re for! (There is an exception to this and all rules, and it pertains to a Mr. Reggie Watts, who can do whatever he wants, no matter what.)
6 — Hair Gel. Are you kidding me?
7 — Excessive Jewelry. You (I hope) are not Criss Angel. And for that matter, don’t take fashion cues from that guy.
8 — Eyeliner. It doesn’t look “really cool”. It looks really, really stupid.
9 — Ed Hardy, Affliction, or any apparel that resembles those companies. Unless you do a ton of steroids and want everyone to know you do a ton of steroids.
10 — Choose your jeans wisely. Too skinny? Not a wise choice. Men have muffin tops, too, and it’s not what’s for dinner. Too baggy? Just, why? What for? And the worst of the jean offenses: The Dad Jean. It exists. It has a 9-12 inch long zipper and it’s usually from Old Navy.