Vain. Narcissistic. Likes to yell. Bethany’s a real charmer. We’re taking a look into Bethany’s weird world view with our series Bethany’s Brain. It’s gonna be scandalous… 


This week in Bethany’s Brain… 

Dear Diary,

This has been a really tough week for me. I mean, first Dr. Bowan goes and gets the flu right when I’m due for my next peel. He’s a freaking doctor, he can’t miss work because he’s sick. What kind of message does that send? I can’t stand people who get sick. When I have the sniffles I do Bikram or speed walk Runyon. I’m just one of those people I guess. Never get sick. Who has the time?

On top of the Dr. Bowan crap, I have two total idiots working for me. I should have known not to hire remotely attractive girls. Very rarely are they as reliable and efficient as me. And I’m pretty sure Gwen dyes her hair—no way that’s natural. It’s better to hire men, they’re just better and they don’t get all hormonal. LOL — my women’s studies prof from USC would freak out if she heard me say that. Fuck her. I hate women’s studies. I think we need to try and be more like men — but pretty.

Anyway, I’m just so incredibly busy I barely have time for this journal but Guru Zarathustra says it’s good for my chi or whatever. I really need to stop sleeping with Guru Z — he has long hair and he wears Lululemon pants with the same dashiki all the time. It would never work. I’ll just use him to eliminate stress until someone else comes along. Someone who owns a nice Tom Ford suit or something.

I want to pink slip Maggie so bad but she’s actually a really talented designer. I would never tell her that though. Got to keep her feeling inferior and insecure so she works hard. OK, I feel like yelling at Gwen now. Always makes me feel better. Until next time…

— Bethany 


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