Vain. Narcissistic. Likes to yell. Bethany’s a real charmer. We’re taking a look into Bethany’s weird world view with our series Bethany’s Brain. It’s gonna be scandalous… 

This week in Bethany’s Brain… 

Dear Diary,

I admit I had a crush on Mitt Romney for a hot minute. Older men with hair that lush are just sexy, and anyone who says differently is a freaking liar. I know I’m right. Anyways, when that started to go away (his wife is so fucking smiley, it turned me off because obviously his taste sucks), I refocused.

Bill Clinton’s DNC speech was, like, so sexy. I totally forgot. Now, I know he’s supposedly married and all but come on — any politician is free game. As I was watching his speech and feeling him captivate the entire world, it hit me: I need to meet Bill Clinton. I need to call him. I’m a successful businesswoman, how hard can it be? I’m sure he’s my soul mate.

I would never tell Maggie or Gwen, hell no. I never talk about my love life with them because they’re just too dumb to understand. So what I date married guys or guys with criminal history? If they can get me into the Soho House, it’s on. Bill is just what I need. A woman of my stature and with my potential needs a man like that. I know I sound crazy but — I’m a self-aware person. I go to yoga and therapy and all that crap. I just feel it. It’s intuition.

I deserve a man like Bill Clinton. I’m worth it!

— Bethany 

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